It's Your Fault!?

Emotive Response Removing your Power

It's like a punch to the brain. A slap. A jab. A sucker blow. Keep pounding away until curling inward. Everything drops and goes dull.

It's repeated over and over... I'm so stupid. Why do THAT? You knew that was going to happen, so why do it? How dumb can I get? It's all my fault. No wonder nobody likes me. What's the point...

For one thing, it is draining. The positive life's sucked out of you. These negative thought patterns start to solidify and become you. So, they must be controlled and stopped.

Now, I don't believe it is possible to abolish negative responses to incidents and emotions because it has been said we have multiple negative thoughts per day to one positive.

However, identifying your negative thinking is the first step towards change according to cognitive therapy. Then you can change your thinking to something healthier.

Often, continuously blaming yourself for things you have limited control over leads to self-shaming and low self-esteem. In that case, you can move away from mental self-harm and prevent yourself from lashing out at others.

While it might be true that you need to take responsibility and learn from your behaviour, nevertheless, this process can be positively empowering.

Whereas pointing the finger is a negative process,

taking charge of the situation is emphatic.

So take a moment in the heat and step back...

...Hilary Jacobs Hendel, a psychotherapist and author, says Be curious. The mere act of inquiry is positive in so many ways. Being curious stops the hurtful impulses dead in their tracks. Creates space in your mind. Lets you practice going deeper beyond just what you think you know. Creates a flexible mind over time. Solves problems before they escalate.

Due to the act of questioning your reactions, this enables you to ride your feelings. It allows you to better understand the situation and grow.

Taking away the blame without taking away the responsibility, according to Michael J Formica, a psychotherapist, teacher and writer, keeps us accountable to ourselves and the world around us without setting us up for shame and devaluation. Instead of getting to be right, we get to be wrong, but in the best way possible; with dignity, authenticity and a sense of ownership that is far afield from self-abuse.

Empower yourself by taking a leaf out of Buddha's book -

You, yourself, as much as anyone else in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.